Grassroots Motorsports
Issue link: http://grassrootsmotorsports.epubxp.com/i/397024
M y midlife crisis seems to come and go in spurts. About a decade ago, in my mid-30s, I bought my frst Corvette. I'd always wanted one, and when a real-estate sale left me with some cash, a Corvette seemed like a wise way to turn that pile of money into a pile of tire dust. Once I got that out of my system, though, things went decidedly in the other direction–even as I approached the point in life where many men spend more time on their comb-overs and freshly waxed chests than on the more frivolous pursuits of youth. After the Vette, my next new-car purchase was a Mazdaspeed3. Red and turbocharged, yes, but with four doors and a hatch, it approached practical. Once that left my grasp, my next car was a Chevy Volt. From Vette to Volt in a decade. The only thing electrify- ing about my automotive choices was the fact that my car plugged into the wall like a common neck massager. Various project cars and borrowed rides fulflled my needs for automotive excitement, but I knew I was due for a full-on relapse into the realm of irresponsible four-wheeled choices. Except this time, I swung the needle way past Corvette territory and into the rarifed air of formula cars. Okay, Formula 500s. With all due respect to the brilliant fabricators and engineers who have designed and built F500 cars over the years, let's face it, these aren't exactly what the average person thinks of when he thinks "formula race car." So my wife's response when I came home with a new-to-me 1994 KBS Mk8 wasn't too surprising. She walked into the garage to see me sitting in the car for the frst time, test-ftting a new roll bar arrangement, and she immediately shrieked, "Oh, that's adorable!" Not exactly the reaction you're looking for to your new race car. But you know what? I'll take it. The truth is, I've always harbored a not-so-secret crush on F500 (formerly F440) cars. For those of you not hip to the scene, Formula 500 is the SCCA's answer to science camp. It's something for the kids too nerdy for real camp, but who still want to go somewhere during the summer and get bug bites and wedgies. F500 cars are powered by two-cylinder, two-cycle snowmobile engines with centrifugal clutches. Unlike many classes of formula cars, which produce sounds reminiscent of Monza or Spa, an F500 grid produces sounds reminiscent of the last time you blew the leaves out of your gutters. It's like you invented a car specif- cally to anger the neighbors. But the joke is on the haters. While those folks are making fun of the fact that your car belches blue smoke and sounds like a chainsaw, you're out there laying down times that will make them regret their mockery all the way back to the comfort of their fully upholstered and air-conditioned so-called sports cars. I may have acquired this open-wheel car because of some latent "do it while your back still lets you" midlife crisis, but I've discovered that it may be the cheap- est and easiest way to scratch an itch for speed. For the price of a well-used Miata, an F500 gives you an FTD-capable autocross machine–autocross will be my primary mission with the car. It's also a worthy road racer capable of keeping up with or even outpacing a Formula F car at many tracks, and at a fraction of the cost. Mostly I'm glad I've fnally gotten to a point in my life where I'm comfortable enough to let my friends see me drive an F500. I'll put all the trophies it grabs on the shelf–and proudly accept every "adorable!" P.S. I could use this entire column to talk about my new nerd-obsession with my goofy little race car. But I'd be remiss if I didn't at least shed some ink on the fact that we're celebrating 30 years of publishing with this issue. That's a long-ass time. In May, I'll celebrate 25 years of employment with this 30-year-old magazine. That's a long-ass time, too. If I could make a wish on these anniversaries, it's that we've had an impact on your enjoyment of cars. The world was a very different place 30 years ago, but fun behind the wheel is a timeless pursuit. I hope we've provided you with some guidance on that subject at some point during these decades. Twitter: @JGPasterjak OPEN PIPES by j.g. pasterjak • jg@grassrootsmotorsports.com "500 PROBLEMS BUT A SHIFT AIN'T ONE"